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Dirt Road Time Stop

When you were out with your girlfriend down in the boondocks and your truck got stuck in the mud and there was no way to call someone to pull you out and no GPS to tell you where the nearest house was or gas station and no smart phone to keep your brain alive until it died along with the car battery from playing Eagles Greatest Hits Volume II on endless repeat… the only thing that needed doing was staying alive long enough to get your ass beat when you got home. So while you might not have been able to send a hundred emails that night, because the smart phone had not yet been invented and you were not yet superhuman as a result of its magical abilities to clone you and speed up time … you did at least have the wherewithal to kill 3 snakes, drink an entire case of Old Milwaukee, finally make it to 3rd base with that busty cheerleader you’ve been chasing since 9th grade, walk six miles to the nearest house to borrow a phone to wake your cousin Clem (the only blood relative with a tow hook), and narrowly avoid getting shot at by the assholes spotlighting for deer at two in the morning. You were a different kind of superhero. With way better taste in music.

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